Wednesday, September 15, 2010
F8ck my life or my attitude ......
Today is payday *joy* ......or so I thought...... I was excited about this particular payday because it was suppose to be all about ME. September is one of those few months when I receive 3 checks versus 2 * angels singing*. I've been basking in this upcoming holiday (Payroll Leap year) since Monday I'd work extra hours due to the system conversion and was excited that my recurring annoyance (time sheets) would finally work my favor. My cousin whose also my roommate made plans to go to Miami for carnival. In order for her to buy her ticket and costume;I paid all the bills - don't judge.The point is my pleasure was suppose to triple, this pay week was suppose to be special.
It's Spa week in NYC; I fantasized about herbal peelings, chocolate body wraps, deep tissue massages, hydrating facials, mani - pedis, individual lash extensions, perfectly arched eyebrows, splurging on new make up, starting my Fall/Winter wardrobe savings account, paying for my LAST test, budgeting for a spring 2011 vacation, etc. But, when I started plugging numbers into my fiscally responsible future orientated excel spread sheet, my heart began to sank. My negative column began to attack my holiday bonus; savings, student loan repayment, credit card payment, cell phone, food, clothing/ gift, metro card, etc. I sent a flurry of emails to my cousin " fucking my life".
After temporarily wallowing in my misery, I reframed. The fact is one of my credit cards is completely paid off . I have a nice amount of money in savings, my cooking has improved, writing more, and my engagement ring is out of the pawn shop - don't judge. I've sacrificed getting a new hairdo every week,a new outfit bi - weekly, gym membership (outdoor workouts much better, anyway), pedicures, eating out, frequently going out, and cab rides but have gained so much more. I've been far from perfect since 6/25/2010 but have been getting better. I could never afford to treat myself as often as I did, which is why I can't treat myself NOW. After completing my budget, I addressed a potential fear - Is this what my life's going to be? Am I going to work 75 hours a week to pay bills and have a small amount to spend? The answer is NO!!!
If I continued to fool myself, eventually the well would have run dry - no credit or terrible credit which means absolutely no access to anything worth having. I would have dug a hole so deep that I wouldn't see light. I can at least feel and see the sun in my hole. If I can stick to the plan, I'll be able to turn my savings into additional income, accomplish a confidence boosting goal, finally learn good money management skills, and improve me life. So, I'm fucking my brat attack and loving my journey to a debt free life.