Saturday, October 20, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Enjoy and live your best life.
Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:
1. Give up your need to always be right
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle
5. Give up your limiting beliefs
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell
10. Give up labels
Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.
“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Ever since I turned 31, I’ve been feeling an intense restless. It feels like something is missing and the hollowness is causing an ache within my soul. The once barely audible echo threatening civil unrest is intensifying because aging is wearing away on my ability to daydream about my goals coming to pass in the future. My soul whispers “the future is now”. The message is given in a curt, demanding, and unfeeling way.
My soul doesn’t want to hear excuses about needing more time, feeling insecure, feeling scared…….
My soul doesn’t care ……it wants to be filled and its appetite is ravenous.
My soul craves passion, accomplishments, reverence,courage, respect……
My soul isn’t interested in useless emotions such as regret.
My soul demands that I make decisions and stand by them, that I try, face my fears, give it my best and even fall short at times.
I’m scared. I'm not brave. I have moments of courage ...Why can't that be enough?
My soul laughs as it allows this echo to travel further and become louder. The sound is so uncomfortable; it pierces my heart, penetrates my brain, and vibrates so loudly within me that the protective walls I’ve put up are cracking.
My soul is merciless……
The time to figure things out has ended.
If I don’t experience every moment of my life; joy, sadness, uncertainty, fear, love, hate, excitement, and everything in between.
My soul is threatening to suck the life force within me and allow me to sink into an abyss of despair.
My soul believes in my abilities, tough love, and not settling,
My soul is demanding GREATNESS.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I’m confounded on how to make my point about women, sexuality, and derogatory terms without my words being twisted, used against me, and/ or broken into tiny pieces. I’ve wanted to write about this subject for months. I’m so proud not give a damn what anyone’s reaction to this post may be. I look forward to having my opinion proudly attached to my blog.
The original title of this blog - post listening to an unfortunately ridiculous blog talk radio show claiming to “teach” black women how to snag “an elite black man”, was angrily titled “It’s my PUSSY and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it, including fuck whoever pleases me!!!!” After listening to that show, I’m not exactly sure what/ whose definition of “elite” was being used. As a female member of the audience, I felt berated, disrespected, and resentful of the subtle manipulation which implied that as a woman thirty and nearly one….if I wasn’t coming to man as a virgin. It only made sense that I’ve be called or treated as a whore would, lack the emotional availability to be involved in a relationship, accept blame for STD’s, and the breakdown of the black family structure. I was in a fury.
I’m so fucking tired of being made to feel ashamed of sex and my sexuality subtly and overtly. I considered prefacing this blog post with the requirements a man/ woman had to have for me to consider sharing myself with him/her. But, I found that to be cowardly and hypocritical. The fact is it’s no ones business what my standards are …….
In fact, the only reason my standards are even a question is because I have a vagina. If I were a man the perception or asinine conclusion would never be; that I couldn’t be in a successful relationship, didn’t respect myself, deserved lesser treatment because I’ve had and enjoyed sexual relationships. I dare not preface that with standards or preferences because that would be saying equality is only good within parameters. Am I saying that being emotional, physically, and mentally prepare for intimate sexual relationship isn’t a necessity? Absolutely not.
What prompted this post were a couple of things – Twitter gone mad over a 14 year girl who was unwittingly video taped during a sexual act with a 14 year old boy. Do I think she was emotionally, physically, and/ or mentally responsible enough to have sex? No.
But, I found it very interesting that she was crucified and called all types of names by men, women, old, young, etc. While the young man who violated her trust by video taping their intimacy, walked away without a scratch.
Or, The Jersey Shore castmates pious reaction, to Dena’s lesbian sexual experimentation after a wild night of parting. She was brow beaten so bad that she actually apologized for a cruel prank being played on her. Honestly the cast mates’ reactions are actually quite normal within our society which is my issue. But, if the house wasn’t a cesspool of hedonism and debauchery, I probably wouldn’t be as mad. Again, women are subtly reminded of their place in terms of sex and enjoyment. I think it’s disgusting and shameful.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Some people think I'm brave and fearless. The thing is I only have moments of bravery. I act in these moments because it's hard to live with the regret that I've grown accustom to.
I'm afraid of a lot things; making bad decisions, allowing people to get close to me, falling in love with a man who possesses the ability to love me back properly, being seen as uneducated or incompetent, feeling worthy without contingencies, spiritual evolution, writing a book instead of escaping with one, being fit, etc. The thing is if I prove myself capable ...... then no excuses will be available to me for not fully embracing my life.
But, I struggle because I want to savor every second of my life.....not just in moments of bravery and justified moments of knowing my self worth. Yet, I think what if I allow myself to become who I want to be and still feel unsatisfied?
It's 11am and here I sit with my 2nd glass of Viognier and my 101 list of things to do before I die....
4. Adopt a dog from a shelter.
5. Fall hopelessly in love again ....Find my Twin Soul and experience consummate love.
8. Cook 3 Haitian Meals flawlessly.
19. Celebrate Golden Anniversary.
24. Live my life without fear and trust my intuition.
32. Host 300 Fabulous dinner parties with family and friends who've been let past my wall.
49. Learn to sculpt.
52. Spiritually Evolve - Know and conduct myself as a spiritual being in a human body without identifying with my job, sex, race or religion, and truly believe that I'm not Inferior or Superior to anyone. Conduct myself in a manner which reflects my beliefs - We are all here to learn through experience and hopefully leave the world a bit better for it.
57. Write an essay about outlaw women and their contributions to society.
62. Volunteer 100 hours in a year - 2 hours per week.
As I mull this list over and enjoy some AM wine.....the question remains - When do I start?