Thursday, July 22, 2010
Ladies; Should we be locking up the cookie jar?
Yesterday, I received an unexpected but always welcomed phone call from Ty (male friend).I know this sounds weird but we keep in touch via facebook, sporadic phone calls, and text messages. We don’t talk often but easily catch up when we do. In any event, we generally jump back into each others lives by discussing; work, health, and of course relationships. He asked – how my love life was going? I resisted the urge to bust out laughing and proceeded to say “What love life?” He was a bit confused because a few moths ago, I was on my way down that bumpy love trail. I simply summed up that relationship by saying “I got played “We both laughed hysterically. I admonished him for laughing at my misfortune while laughing alongside him a bit longer. I wasn’t angry in fact it felt good to laugh about such a painful event. The betrayal had just begun to sink in these last few weeks; during my commute, while running, walking alone, thinking, etc, my memories would trigger emotions. Emotions that quite frankly, I don’t think I’m ready to deal with therefore, won’t share at this time. The laughter we shared was due to the way I summed up the situation and my “Pre played” relationship plan.
Now let me tell you about my “Pre played “relationship plan which Ty was pretty familiar with. My plan was to take it back to the old school, take things slow, allow myself to be courted while getting to really know any potential’s. I was going to somewhat disregard the sexually liberating high women are currently on and cross my legs for a good minute or until I found that freak em worthy man. In order to avoid making the same mistakes twice, and finding myself not wanting to let go of bad fits due to emotional investments. I blamed it on the release of Oxytocin (love hormone) which intensifies bonding during sex – another blog topic. So, when I met the unexpected player I thought I was prepared – cookie jar lock - secured. My reasoning was men wanting to play silly games wouldn’t have the patience to go through the “getting to know me process” - great way to filter. Ty did tell me two years prior that my plan wouldn’t make a difference. But, I disagreed and proceeded with my plan based on personal experience. End result – rib cracking irony laced laughter.
Ty finally explained the reason for nixing the “locking the cookie jar” plan and why he thought it wouldn’t matter “it’s being handed out freely around the corner”. My plan to improve my relationships would put me in the minority category which may not work in a society filled with short attention spans and accustomed to instant gratification. I pondered……. he added “I truly believe that the sexual liberation of women is one of the factors attributing to the decline in marriage”. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex and the ability to enter sexual relationships without being labeled by society, independence, equality. But, I wondered – could he be right? In my situation, I invested 8 – 9 months of my life; sharing personal information, constantly texting / talking, weekly dinners, mini trips, group get togethers, etc. before getting down and dirty and it didn’t matter. My trust was unknowingly beaten and abused for nearly a year. In fact, relaying that experience to Ty who isn’t easily shocked had him speechless in a” Where dey do dat at?” kind of way. My situation was horrific and has left me uninterested in any pair bonding – for now. So, whose right? What’s the correct way to go about entering and sustaining a healthy relationship? I don’t know but welcome any advice.