Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Fear Of Success

The song off of Drake’s mix tape “Fear” really resonates with me because it’s raw, honest, and I can relate.

Fuck all y'all.
We ignore feelings here.
Premature millionaires.
Welcome to my realest year.
I swear that we making a killing here.
I should be on top of the world here just chillin' here.
But it's funny having fans.
Who find you before anybody ever has the chance, and build you up so You could be the biggest in the game.
And realize when you're there,
Sometimes the shit don't feel the same.
And plus things are just surreal at home
People think I've changed just because my appeal has grown
And now security follow me everywhere so I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone.
I think I'm scared of what the future holds.
I was wishing for some things and now am used to those.
Every girl I meet thinks I'm fucking groupie hoes.
The honesty of my music has left me too exposed.
All my old friends think I got a new crowd.
And people seem to notice every time I do smile.
I guess that mean they come few and far between.
Even though am living out what you would call the dream.
And my uncle ain't even messaging me.
And him missing in my life is kind of messing with me.
I hope this isn't one of those forever things.
It's funny how money can change everything.

- Drake

The verse above isn’t about money, fame, or music but about success. Put more aptly, fearing success; familial / friendship bonds weakening, being unable to find authentic love through the haze of fame, image (not being seen), dealing with inaccurate perceptions, loneliness, being out of tune with oneself, things not being what one expected, and not finding happiness after completing the journey. I’m sure that everyone wants to be successful but can only speak for myself. I’m smart, capable, sociable, hard working, and diligent yet have trouble finishing the tasks that are most important to me. I can do most things with relative ease, am confident in my abilities, and know with 100% certainty that I can do anything I set my mind to ……so, why?

Although, my biggest fear is not living up to my potential which is enormous pressure, I believe that I’m capable of a lot - I’m also afraid of succeeding. I’m afraid of my relationships changing, success not bring me happiness, things not turning out the way I expected , and of the hard work/ sacrifice required in order to complete the journey.

I want to be healthier; financial, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. so that I can contribute to the world and make a difference. But, I tend to make ridiculous excuses and convince myself of their validity when I’m feeling especially lazy.

• I want to eat like everyone else ……………………...63.1% of Americans are overweight or obese.

• I don’t have time to work out ……………………… yet, never miss my favorite TV shows.

• Everyone isn’t meant to be rail thin…………………. never had a weight issue when I ate healthy and was active.

• Paying off all my debts will take too long ………… saving large sums of money in savings and 401K gave me a wonderful sense of security a few years ago.

• It’s impossible to live off less ………………………. I’ve done it while traveling and living more.

• I have too many bills to pay…………………………. me and everyone else who lives in the tri state area.

• I work full time so finishing school will be hard ………maintained high grades while exceling at the most demsnding job of my life.

• Relationships aren’t the same as they were in my parents day …………….yet meet great people on a daily basis (men/women) so settling isn’t an option.

Saturn return is forcing me to face my fears and envision life after accomplishing my goal – both positive and negative aspects. Some of my goals may be scratched off the list because certain goals with all its side effects (negative/ positive) may take away from more important goals. The important thing is to examine my fears, so that I can address them (accept/destroy), and not unconsciously undermine my efforts by avoiding the necessary steps needed to succeed. Fear shrinks under examination making it easy to take action. 2010 is the year that I address my fear of success and encourage you to do so as well.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

Harriet Tubman

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