Things to remember and teach our children

Why we should never forget our " Road To Freedom " .......

I had a crazy busy day today but decided to stop off at the Bronx Museum before heading home. I'm really glad that I did because an exhibit based on the civil rights movement was on display. I gained a better appreciation of the liberties that myself and many others take for granted everyday. We are all human beings and the civil rights movement shouldn't have been necessary, yet it was. I appreciate all those before me who risked their physical safety and lives so that I could be educated , become an entrepreneur, live without a looming threat , and be proud of my race. I could walk around with my head held high and use my voice to say " I'm a human being not a second class citizen" and be heard. They showed us the power within that could in effect change the world.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I've brought you a sea of words. Please look, absorb, reflect, and pay this experience forward.

In the words of Martin Luther King Jr.

" We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with it's conscience."

Each one of us help create the society we live in - What do you want to be remembered for?

Young Black Male Crisis

I was inspired to write about the “Young Black Male Crisis” based on art work created by Abdi (Bravo's "Work of Art: The Next Great Artist") titled “I.E.D. "(Improvised Explosive Device). The contestants on this reality based show were asked to create a shocking piece of art. Many of the contestants defaulted to sex; auto fellatio, last supper with debauchery to spare, S&M tranny asphyxiation fantasies,etc. None of which, I found shocking or remotely interesting. Abdi’s work me had me at conception before the mold had even been cast. He described creating several sculptures of young African American male heads designed to represent ticking time bombs. Abdi wanted to create art and start a conversation about a crisis that is being overlooked. The artist explained and I paraphrase “Young black males as being marginalized by society, raised in impoverished environments, under –educated, too many see a life of crime as a viable option. He went on to criticize our government who could care less and compared these young men to ticking time bombs”.

Abdi’s social commentary really struck a cord within me; the topic above has weighed heavily on my mind for the majority of this year. I love to do community service / volunteer work because I’m paying my tithe/tax to God. In addition to getting right with my higher authority, my intangible reward is priceless. A few weeks ago, I was volunteering at a Harlem elementary school for a writing club called “The Young Authors Club”. Our club consisted of 20+ kids between the ages of 8-9 years old, 18 boys and 2 girls, and 5 volunteers. I’d like to add, I was the only African American volunteer, and 97% of the kids were African American – problem # 1. The volunteers were there to help the kids write plays, poems, letters, biographies, etc. I’ll never forget one project in which the team leader suggested that the kids write about their future .We’d all watched a civil rights movie based on Martin Luther King’s lifework. The movie took us through life in the segregated south, showed all of us how far this nation as come, explained sacrifices were made by our grandparents, struggles to overcome; beatings, lynching, marches, marginalizing, etc, so that we could have the opportunities we have today.

The team leader then asked the kids to write about their dreams for the future and how they’d plan to arrive at their destination 5-10 years from now. She asked them to create a plan for their lives. My heart shattered into a million pieces when not one of the kids especially the boys could see themselves being anything other than a basketball / football player. One of the newer students looked me in the eye, at 9 years old and said jokingly “I’m going to be in jail”. I tried not to focus on the negative and asked the kids to come up with a plan B and after literally 30- 45 minutes of coaxing; I got my group to come up with alternatives (doctor, artist, lawyer, and teacher). The volunteers were dismayed; we’d work with the kids for months and knew first hand how smart most of these kids were. They often shocked me with their knowledge of random things, pretty good readers, and came up with excellent stories when the boys weren’t horsing around :)

A lot of people may read what I’ve written above, absorb the information, and process it as an isolated incident. Those folks would be lying to themselves. The fact is, African American’s are more likely to be victimized by crime than are other groups, which creates individual and community problems. Secondly, the rate at which African American males have come under some form of criminal justice supervision not only affects the individual victims and families but communities as well. The point is for every action there is a reaction. Let run down some fact.

• 49% of prison inmates nationally are African American, compared to their 13% share of the overall population

• Nearly one in three (32%) black males in the age group 20-29 is under some form of criminal justice supervision on any given day –either in prison or jail, or on probation or parole.

• As of 1995, one in fourteen (7%) adult black males was incarcerated in prison or jail on any given day, representing a doubling of this rate from 1985. The 1995 figure for white males was 1%.

• A black male born in 1991 has a 29% chance of spending time in prison at some point in his life. The figure for white males is 4%, and for Hispanics, 16%.

*Marc Mauer “The crisis of The Young African American Male and the criminal justice system”

The price the community pays for African American males lost to a racial unjust criminal justice system is very high (whole other blog topic). Incarceration creates an imbalance in the male – female ratio among adult African Americans - 86 males to every 100 females, disrupts the influence of families, schools, religious bodies, and other institutions to transmit values and promote positive role models – How could the community be built up if the base of the family isn’t around? Incarceration and racial bias within our criminal justice system continues the cycle of neighborhoods with high levels of joblessness, social disorganizations, lessens the chance of parents / neighborhood leaders with the ability to assert the kind of influence that would recreate a “ Black Wall Street”, attract changes in government which could bring forth social cohesion, and also affects political influence by eradicating convicted felons right to vote in many states ( estimate 1.4 million African American males, or 13 % of the male black population aren’t able to vote). Casting my vote for Barack Obama and knowing that it helped him win the 08 election is one of the many high lights in my life. My vote determined who’d be in the White House creating polices that affected me.

I didn’t want to convolute my message by bringing other elements into this topic; our need to address the current drug policies, race and class effects, crime rates, etc. My goal is to encourage whoever is reading this blog to open up their eyes and spread the word. The African American community is in the midst of a crisis. We need to get more involved, demand that certain racially biased polices are changed, become the positive roles models our community needs, build up our neighborhoods versus moving away, support African American entrepreneurs, who should in turn support non profit organizations that promote education , keep our kids off the street, and encourages change. We need to stop dividing ourselves based on educational backgrounds, lightness of skin, faux bougieness versus ghetto antics, and work together. I apologize if these feels like a lecture but improving our community is my passion.






*Marc Mauer is one of the leading authorities on racism in the criminal justice system. In speeches, research publications, congressional testimony, organizing, and lobbying Mauer has worked tirelessly to expose racism in all aspects of the system. He is also active in challenging felony disenfranchisement -- the denial of the right to vote for ex-felons -- and other negative social consequences of imprisonment. Mauer will explore the social and political forces that have led to the unprecedented explosion in the prison population over the past 30 years, and will examine the impact of these developments on crime, community, and race relations.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear....

If you've been reading this blog you've probably figured out that I'm on my journey toward self improvement; mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. All of these things are equally important , but money even more than my weight seems to be a challenge. I've done OK financially and it seems like the more i make, the more i spend, and the less i have to show for it. It's been so long since I've lived frugally (late teens early 20's), I question - Can i live that way again? I've decided that i can and made a strict budget for myself out of necessity and a willingness to change.

I decided to cut my spending allowance to $40 per week or $160 a month. I'm going to pay my bills, allot a portion to debt, and save - end of story. I love to read and it's funny how this budget is changing the way I read. I'm at Barnes & Noble reading a chapter of my current book of interest durning lunch ( everyday). I'm also combing my bookshelves for books that I haven't read and reading them - a long way from my book a week allowance. I think twice about things that were never an issue; eating out, movies (inexpensive), going out for drinks even during happy hour, impromptu bus trip, etc. The point is within the confinement of this budget, I now have to analyze the true value of things I want in my life. I know this may sound corny but have a better appreciation for life as well.

I'm learning alot about what I find important , finding free entertainment in NYC ( not hard), cooking more, working out , and have become more productive in a short period of time. The universe is also conspiring to help me. My Ex - boyfriend called and suggested Simply Mobile a way to cut my phone bill in half; unlimited text, phone, web for $60 versus the $125 per month, i currently pay. I turned on the TV and found The Best Of Oprah; Debt Diet part 2 and 5, admission of debt, committing to changing, steps taken to change, and the end result - twice in a week. The most informative and amazing thing about watching the debt diet episodes was the way tackling this burden affected the families. They became closer from having to work together and figure out ways to bring in extra cash, save money, entertain themselves, etc. Different couples discussed being on the brink of divorce due to money fights , horrible communication, etc , post debt diet now described their marriages as stronger than ever - quality of life improved. I also picked up a magazine and ran across an article proclaiming " money doesn't buy happiness nor do things" - duh. All of these tools and tidbits are keeping me motivated and excited about my lifestyle change.

I'm getting so much help along the way; suggestions on money saving websites ( Pulse JFK.com, and Restaurant.com), invited to a home cooked dinner twice this week, offered groceries, took the initiative to volunteer at the local YMCA and was offered swim lessons, inspiring shows, etc. The teacher has appeared and I'm appreciative. The funny thing is I haven't told anyone that I'm doing this , this blog that no ones reading doesn't count :). I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to keep this up but God knows that I'm trying and taking this one day at a time. I'm feeling confident, inspired, and renewed. I hope you catch the bug too.....

Fear Of Success

The song off of Drake’s mix tape “Fear” really resonates with me because it’s raw, honest, and I can relate.


Look.
Fuck all y'all.
We ignore feelings here.
Premature millionaires.
Welcome to my realest year.
Yeah.
I swear that we making a killing here.
I should be on top of the world here just chillin' here.
Uh.
But it's funny having fans.
Who find you before anybody ever has the chance, and build you up so You could be the biggest in the game.
And realize when you're there,
Sometimes the shit don't feel the same.
Yeah.
And plus things are just surreal at home
People think I've changed just because my appeal has grown
And now security follow me everywhere so I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone.
I think I'm scared of what the future holds.
I was wishing for some things and now am used to those.
Every girl I meet thinks I'm fucking groupie hoes.
The honesty of my music has left me too exposed.
All my old friends think I got a new crowd.
And people seem to notice every time I do smile.
I guess that mean they come few and far between.
Even though am living out what you would call the dream.
Yeah.
And my uncle ain't even messaging me.
And him missing in my life is kind of messing with me.
I hope this isn't one of those forever things.
It's funny how money can change everything.

- Drake

The verse above isn’t about money, fame, or music but about success. Put more aptly, fearing success; familial / friendship bonds weakening, being unable to find authentic love through the haze of fame, image (not being seen), dealing with inaccurate perceptions, loneliness, being out of tune with oneself, things not being what one expected, and not finding happiness after completing the journey. I’m sure that everyone wants to be successful but can only speak for myself. I’m smart, capable, sociable, hard working, and diligent yet have trouble finishing the tasks that are most important to me. I can do most things with relative ease, am confident in my abilities, and know with 100% certainty that I can do anything I set my mind to ……so, why?

Although, my biggest fear is not living up to my potential which is enormous pressure, I believe that I’m capable of a lot - I’m also afraid of succeeding. I’m afraid of my relationships changing, success not bring me happiness, things not turning out the way I expected , and of the hard work/ sacrifice required in order to complete the journey.

I want to be healthier; financial, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. so that I can contribute to the world and make a difference. But, I tend to make ridiculous excuses and convince myself of their validity when I’m feeling especially lazy.

• I want to eat like everyone else ……………………...63.1% of Americans are overweight or obese.

• I don’t have time to work out ……………………… yet, never miss my favorite TV shows.

• Everyone isn’t meant to be rail thin…………………. never had a weight issue when I ate healthy and was active.

• Paying off all my debts will take too long ………… saving large sums of money in savings and 401K gave me a wonderful sense of security a few years ago.

• It’s impossible to live off less ………………………. I’ve done it while traveling and living more.

• I have too many bills to pay…………………………. me and everyone else who lives in the tri state area.

• I work full time so finishing school will be hard ………maintained high grades while exceling at the most demsnding job of my life.

• Relationships aren’t the same as they were in my parents day …………….yet meet great people on a daily basis (men/women) so settling isn’t an option.

Saturn return is forcing me to face my fears and envision life after accomplishing my goal – both positive and negative aspects. Some of my goals may be scratched off the list because certain goals with all its side effects (negative/ positive) may take away from more important goals. The important thing is to examine my fears, so that I can address them (accept/destroy), and not unconsciously undermine my efforts by avoiding the necessary steps needed to succeed. Fear shrinks under examination making it easy to take action. 2010 is the year that I address my fear of success and encourage you to do so as well.


“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

Harriet Tubman

Can women be both great mothers and successful career women?

I read an article written by Daniel Lippman titled “More American women not having children: report” and felt a bit disturbed afterward. Personally, I believe that a woman’s reproductive organs are her own and the right to bear children or be barren is completely hers. I don’t represent some archaic belief system that strips women of their reproductive choice or sees children as necessary to validate a woman’s worth. However, I personally love children, feel even difficult ones have redeeming qualities, and refuse to willing leave this earth without one of my own. I’m sorry; I don’t necessarily understand why a woman wouldn’t want to have children. It’s not my place to judge or question and I generally don’t. But,The story above gets under my skin for a couple of reasons. Childlessness is becoming a trend and the article blames it on; children not being seen as necessary for a successful marriage, education, and career goals. However, I completely disagree and urge everyone to peel back the layers, and investigate the workforce environment which forces women to choose between motherhood and achieving career success in the 21st century.



Education shouldn't be a reason a woman doesn’t have children. It’s been proven that educated mothers have children who have higher cognitive abilities, are better behaved, increased vocabulary, and are more likely to encourage their children to seek higher education. Female education ensures many inter – generational benefits. So, I’m confused as to why higher – educated women overall are less likely to have children because of how it benefits our community and future generations. The only logical solution is to seek out the correlation between being an educated woman with a career and determine how bearing / raising children relates to her life. The article points out “Economist believes that women have more to gain economically from prioritizing their career compared to less educated women. They also tend to marry later and postpone childbearing compared to less educated women.



“According to High – Achieving Women, 2001, between 33 percent and 43 percent of women are childless at ages 41-55 - only 14 percent of them by choice. The percentages are even higher amongst women of color. In addition, the study found that large numbers of highly qualified mothers opt out of the labor market completely. The result; too many women are forced to sacrifice; either family or career. Only a small portion of women feel that it’s likely that they can “have it all” in terms of career and family but feel that men fare better on this front”



The findings in Daniel Lippmann’s article based on the Census Bureau's Current Population Survey supports the High – Achieving women’s study. High - achievers are defined as those who earn $ 55,000 -$ 65,000 depending on age, Ultra - achievers are defined as those earning over $100,000. High potential women are highly qualified women who left their careers for family reasons (younger group age between 28-40 and older group 41-55).

The results are as follows; the more successful the women , the longer her hours ( 50+ per week ), part time careers are not currently available for women wanting to get back to work after expanding the family, women who maintain their careers and joined companies which offers work/life benefits and utilize these benefits recognize that chances of getting promoted are slim to none, Only 60 percent of high achieving women in the older group are currently married ( figure falls to 57 percent in corporate America versus 76 percent of older men and 83 percent among the ultra achievers), 33 percent of high achieving women are childless at ages 41-55 ( 42 percent in corporate America and 43 percent in academe versus 25 percent of high achieving men and 19 among ultra achieving men), 29 percent of high achieving African American in the older group were married in 2001 ( 48 percent of African American high achieving women are childless at ages 41-55), 55 percent of the younger women were childless at age 35 versus the 38 percent of older women who were childless at that point, women still take prime responsibility for the home and children - earning powers has no affect even where wives earn $100,000 per year ( only 8 percent of husbands take prime responsibility for helping with homework, and 4 percent take prime responsibility for cleaning the house), child free employees often resent parent “ perks”, few high achieving women believe they can have it all (16 percent, women think men have it better and 39 percent feel men can have it all), and women entrepreneurs do a better job balancing their lives than women in corporate America ( self employed high achieving women are less likely to be childless than women in corporate America , women lawyers, doctors and professors(22 percent versus 42 in the older group) and are 10 percent more likely to get married. – Sylvia Ann Hewlett’s “creating a life”



It appears that society hasn’t adjusted to the strides women have made in the 21st century and reproduction (family) is suffering as a result. I think it’s important that companies maintain and encourage a work/life balance. In days past, when men were the sole providers and primary bread winner this mindset made sense, since there was someone running the household - usually a woman. As a nation we are trying to move toward equality where everyone is treated equally regardless of gender, race, and sexual orientation. If that’s truly the case shouldn’t we modify the rules of workplace? I don’t want to have to choose between having a baby and being successfully Nor should I because I have so much to contribute to the world as do many other beautiful, smart, talented women. Women we need to raise our voices and speak against inequality or be forced to make impossible choices.

Poetry

My friends and family can all tell you that i'm an insatiable reader and can gobble up to 3 good books per week. Yes, that means you can expect many book inspired posts. However, poetry has never been a strength of mine so i tend to steer clear. Asking me to decipher certain poetic texts would be like ,asking a baby to read a road map and provide usable interpreted directions for a road trip - (I'm imagining the sunglass wearing baby in "The Hangover")- laughable.

Yet, I'm trying to grow and replace my distrubing puzzled expression with appreciative serenity while engrossing myself in this wonder of the literary world. Saturn is forcing me to break out of my comfort zone and start expanding my horizions. I found a poem that brought a smile to my face while perusing books at Borders today.

Now all my poeticlly inclined readers, please refrain from laughing or spitting out your drinks or snacks. I'm not sure if this is too basic to post. All i know is that I loved it and hope you will too :) Enjoy!!!!


CHARADES by Edward Hirsch

We waited on two sides of the subway tracks.
You were riding uptown and I was headed downtown
to a different apartment, after all these years.

We were almost paralyzed, like characters
in a Beckett play, and then you started
to pantomime, as in charades.

First, you touched your right eye
and then your left kneee
and then you pointed toward me.

I made a sign of understanding
and then the train suddenly roared
into the station, and you disappeared.




I love it and hope you do too......