Monday, May 9, 2011

Road to loving me .........Changing my perspective.

On February 3, 2011, I set an intention (see below). My intention was to grow spiritually this year;

"2011 is going to be dedicated to reaching the next level on my Spiritual Journey; finding balance, forgiveness, acceptance, embracing cooperation versus competition, learning to trust, reflecting on my choices, having faith, going with the grain by being flexible, and being more selfless. I will try to document this journey as best I can."

I've been wanting to write about my spiritual growth for over a month now but couldn't and still can't find the right words to convey this feeling of grace. What I will say is this ....... My spiritual growth has been completely unorthodox. I'm not adhering to the guidelines of any particular religion or belief system but am encompassing aspects of all religions and beliefs while leaving politics behind . My journey has encouraged me to follow my intuition which has led me to various talk shows, books, radios shows, enlightening everyday conversations, energy healing ( Reiki I certified) , etc. Following my intuition has changed my perspective.

My new perspective in turn has changed my life. My happiness, optimism, gratitude, and faith has multiplied 1000x's. I walked around feeling absolutely blissful for weeks. Although, nothing in my life had changed; I don't have a new boyfriend - yet :), I live in the same apt, I have the same job , earn the same pay, scale reads the same ( although not really weighing in), etc. Because my state of bliss didn't/doesn't stem from external factors it comes from within. In this state over an extended period time , I became fearful - how can I maintain? I looked up at the sky and said " God, please don't let anything happen that'll shake this feeling"

Guess what, God laughed and then 3 things happened ......

1.I disagreed with the way a co worker handled an issue and got upset and let it be known. The after math was hard for me because I was doing such a great job controlling my anger and being Zen.

2.Lost my cell phone during an inopportune time financially - I went into why me mode?, broke down, and said to myself "My life needs to change".

3.I was contacted by an ex who wanted to use my feelings for him to shake me down for non existent cash. - I was angry at God because I said you allowed me to feel blissful then force me to deal with things what would shake up anyone's faith in their potential to main this internal source of happiness. I mean " How can I be forgiving if I'm going to be used?

I learned 3 things as a result

1. Anger is a choice. Anger can't be answered with Anger beacuse the result is alot of anger :). Anger's response is patience, empathy, and humility, I learned the definition of humility via a book my intuition led me to written by Caroline Myss - Entering the Castle. If I get nothing from this book - I know the pages on humility spoke to my soul. I needed to hear this information.

Humility isn't Humiliation. Humility is a powerful shield for the soul, without humility I am unbalanced, the smallest motion can rock my boat and upset me.

e.g. a person doesn't greet me, I'm not 1st in line, not seated in the 1st row, not waited on in a restaurant fast enough, not invited to a certain party / meeting , how dare They?, I can't go out like that .......What will They say? etc. I may not have had trouble with all these examples per say, but can assure you - I have substitutes.

Someone making a critical remark could destroy me for hours, days, weeks, months, years, or even permentally without therapy.

Relationships I allowed to disintegrate because pride prevented a reconciliation.

A humble person would move through these incidents without leaving a wake.

Humility is releasing the need to win.

Humility is not having to have the last word.

Humility is not always having to have insecurities reinforced with endless support.

Humility is the ability to help someone who has injured me.

Humility is to say sorry, not wait years for the other person to apologize before speaking to him or her.

Humility is the ability to appreciate the people who dedicate their lives to helping me make my dreams come true ; whether in a corporate setting, small business, and/ or family.

I could chose to be humble or angry.

2. Everything happens for a reason or for our highest good. - I lost my phone which was found the next day at the bank. However, in that time without the distractions of texting/ talking/ and webbing. I revisited a thought which involves a career changes through my new eyes. I'm planning, praying, and I'm looking forward to this positive change. If you're quiet - divine inspiration follows.

3. Life will recreate situations until you learned the original lesson

even better - Everything in life is a lesson.

Although, the situation with my ex was brief ( 42hrs tops). I learned a lot - it's OK to stop blaming myself for our break up ; I'm not crazy and need to trust my instincts/ intuition. I also learned about love and life paths - everyone you love isn't on the same path ( no better or worse just a different path), a person can love you and not be for you, a person can love you and hurt you, you can be in love but not for each other. I learned that lesson because I didn't get it the first time.I knew in my action and mind that I shouldn't pine but my heart wanted to know - what if?

My new questions are - What if I treasure the present moments? , relish the memories? , forgive the hurt?, forget to wonder? and move on 100% ? The answer is other door will open.

I'm happy and thank God for showing me that bliss is within reach.

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