Friday, August 27, 2010
I'm not ready
My love life has been on and poppin *snap snappity snap* these past few weeks; a few missed connections have resurfaced allowing for a potential redo, an ex came out of the wood work making grand declarations and proclamations suggesting forever, poetry has been written for me, and I have a great prospect in a funny, lovable, honorable man. The universe is speaking and letting me know that I have options. It may be because I went through a terrible ordeal when I last opened my heart and decided to shelter that good- natured, jump out the window, adventurous, love you 110% girl. God may be trying to tell me don’t settle there are plenty of fish *wink* in the sea and men who’ll fit your criteria and even believe in your courting approach. When you’re ready it is written – it’ll happen.
I say this to focus on the “when you’re ready part” because even though your girl has options. It doesn’t mean, I’m playing my cards right. I know exactly what I need to bring to the table to make any scenario work especially if the men above have good intentions. But, I can’t even put a little bit of effort in anything. I’m tired. And it’s Ok. Relationships take so much out of an individual and you have to go into one committed to putting the work in, that yields the great times and results. People say “I just want it to be easy” or “it shouldn’t be so hard” but that isn’t true, relationships require work. I’m not sure if this is unfortunate or fortunate but I’m just not willing to do it right now. I’m more than Ok not having to take someone else perspective, emotional well being, and feelings into account. Even if the rewards are out of this world.
I’m Ok being by myself. I’m Ok spending hours playing video games, reading, writing, spending time with family, crowded sleep over’s, watching ridiculous movies that only interest me, preparing and enjoying vegetarian meals, hanging out at boring museums for hours, stretching out across my bed, not answering questions about my schedule, looking a hot mess at times, planning vacations to non resort type places, and using toys that lovers find offensive. I’m not ready to worry about someone feeling excluded, give up, or compromising on any of these things. I’m good hanging with me for now ……Sorry