Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Woman , Sexuality, and Mean Words
I’m confounded on how to make my point about women, sexuality, and derogatory terms without my words being twisted, used against me, and/ or broken into tiny pieces. I’ve wanted to write about this subject for months. I’m so proud not give a damn what anyone’s reaction to this post may be. I look forward to having my opinion proudly attached to my blog.
The original title of this blog - post listening to an unfortunately ridiculous blog talk radio show claiming to “teach” black women how to snag “an elite black man”, was angrily titled “It’s my PUSSY and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it, including fuck whoever pleases me!!!!” After listening to that show, I’m not exactly sure what/ whose definition of “elite” was being used. As a female member of the audience, I felt berated, disrespected, and resentful of the subtle manipulation which implied that as a woman thirty and nearly one….if I wasn’t coming to man as a virgin. It only made sense that I’ve be called or treated as a whore would, lack the emotional availability to be involved in a relationship, accept blame for STD’s, and the breakdown of the black family structure. I was in a fury.
I’m so fucking tired of being made to feel ashamed of sex and my sexuality subtly and overtly. I considered prefacing this blog post with the requirements a man/ woman had to have for me to consider sharing myself with him/her. But, I found that to be cowardly and hypocritical. The fact is it’s no ones business what my standards are …….
In fact, the only reason my standards are even a question is because I have a vagina. If I were a man the perception or asinine conclusion would never be; that I couldn’t be in a successful relationship, didn’t respect myself, deserved lesser treatment because I’ve had and enjoyed sexual relationships. I dare not preface that with standards or preferences because that would be saying equality is only good within parameters. Am I saying that being emotional, physically, and mentally prepare for intimate sexual relationship isn’t a necessity? Absolutely not.
What prompted this post were a couple of things – Twitter gone mad over a 14 year girl who was unwittingly video taped during a sexual act with a 14 year old boy. Do I think she was emotionally, physically, and/ or mentally responsible enough to have sex? No.
But, I found it very interesting that she was crucified and called all types of names by men, women, old, young, etc. While the young man who violated her trust by video taping their intimacy, walked away without a scratch.
Or, The Jersey Shore castmates pious reaction, to Dena’s lesbian sexual experimentation after a wild night of parting. She was brow beaten so bad that she actually apologized for a cruel prank being played on her. Honestly the cast mates’ reactions are actually quite normal within our society which is my issue. But, if the house wasn’t a cesspool of hedonism and debauchery, I probably wouldn’t be as mad. Again, women are subtly reminded of their place in terms of sex and enjoyment. I think it’s disgusting and shameful.